My own story
I remember that my teachers walked up to my mother after the school day was over. They told her: “Don't be scared when you see your daughter but she don't look pretty”. As I walked out my mother was scared, and it didn't really help her to she how I looked.. My head was filled with scratches so you barely could see the skin on my face. I also often was red on my noise after bleeding, from been punched. I had bruising all over my body from been jumped on or falling to the ground. I never understood why and that was here everything started and I lost my friends, they was turned against me..
It all went downhill after that. School always went well for me, I always had great grades but I was so scared of the people in school and I hated myself for not fighting back when people punched or hurt me, but I couldn't. I was never the person that bullied or punched people, that has never been my, I have never seen the reason to act the way people act like me, maybe I did wrong by not fighing back but even if I would have ot not, I was the person anyone blamed.
After the 5th grade I changed school and ended up in a class there nobody know me and for the first time I was happy, I could start it all over.. but I was wrong, the people that had bullied me before spread rumors all around the school and soon they got the class against me. Again I was the one everyone blamed, even the teachers.
I went on that school with tears in my eyes every day for 1 year and two weeks before I once again changed school. I changed to a school that we all thought would be better but what I never know was that almost everyone that had bullied me from I was 6 until the 5th grade went in that class I were going to go in. I was scared but I told myself that they may had changed, that they was better .. that the teachers could help me but once again I was wrong. I got one friend in that class but after a half year/a year she turned against me because the class started to bullied here because she was with me. At first I was mad at here but today I understands here... After a half year in that school , I got dead threats by two person in my class. I told my mom that I wasn't feeling well, so I got to stay home from school day they after.
My mentor from the school called me and ask how I was feeling, I told him that I was sick... but when he asked me if anything had happen, I lied and told him everything was fine.. Than he asked about the death treath and I broke down in tears. He talked to my parents and they got to know the truth from him, they got scared, mad, so the called the police and reported it. The police, my parents and chocking, the school decided that I was going to stay home for one week and the person that send the treath to me got suspended from school for two weeks, but she changed school.. but I didn't wanted to go back because of the other person that also was behind the treats still went to the school. I was home for 2 weeks (and under those weeks they both changed schools and the police closed the case because the person was minder.) and every day my mentor called me to ask how I was doing and when I wanted to come back to school.. Finally, after two weeks I went back, so scared, I didn't wanted to go but I had to. I meet some of my friends for different grades that hugged me and was so happy to see me, with my class wasn't. They were angry and the bullying started again the they I went back.
There was two teachers in that school that cared and wanted to help me. They did anything the could to help me and I think they were the only persons I trusted and I still do trust them. I'm thankful for everything they was trying to do for me, they will always have a special place in my heart. When I went out from the 9th grade I got a
scholarship in authorship, with was a true chock to me. I have always loved to write and my text has always been the think were I could get down anything I was feeling or things that happen, that I never could tell anyone.
I started in high school with my best friend at time (we were best friends for so many years and me and my family had helped here soo much... ) and the first two minds was so nice and I started to trust people again, a mistake I made because “my best friend” turned against me and the bullying by the class I went in started... I hurt myself, something I'm not proud over..
I went on that school for 6 months and a week before a left the school, my family and friends and moved to a school fare away from home.
That was the best decision ever! After 11 years of been bullied I was free. Everyone accepted me for how I was, no one was bullied and bullying weren't there. I was free and I became happy, I became a person that nobody had seen before. My family and friends saw the change I made and together with the horses and people at this school I became myself. I found myself and I was showed how amazing the world can be, how wonderful people can be. They changed me forever and this school is a place I calls home, because when I'm here I am free from everything.. But under the time I went on this school I got sick.. nobody knows why and nobody understands it but it got hard for be go be in the stable or even on the horse.. so after I finished the first year at high school and went on summer holiday.. it become clear that I couldn't ride anymore.. and after the best 5 months in my life at this school.. I had to quit, August 15, 2013 I quit the school and two days after my dad and me picked my stuff and I moved back home to my family.
I stared a school in fall 2013, a school I thought was good and a subject I that was going to be good for me but soon I realized that this school I went on was nothing for me, it didn't interested me, I was so bored and just wanted to go home. And the promise the school made the day I was there to look at the school, soon become clear it was just a lie. I lost the friends I got and the bullied started over, but at that point I got some help from persons in the class that thought what the persons that bullied me was wrong and they didn't like what they did to me. When I told them, on November 27, that I was going to quit and drop out they try'd to get me to stay, but I was done.
All I wanted was to go back to the only school where I was accepted, where I felt like home, but that school was also the school I started go get sick at, but I wanted to go back there no matter what.. So after 4 months on the other school, when the winter break came I told them goodbye. And in January I moved back to the school with the horses and I'm once again totally free from bullied.
After 11 and a half year I can start over and let it all go. I can finally be happy and I'm going to show the world the real me that has been hidden for over 11 and a half year. I want to prove that people was wrong, that I'm better than what the told me. And I want to help people that feels like give up.
I can't even tell you how many times I wanted to quit, to give up. I have been down to many time but somehow I always pick myself back up and keep on fighting. I has been done so many times but I always end up fighting battles again. And there is a never ending battle I am fighting with myself, and that is to move on from a life of been bullied. It is so dame hard to let it all go, to forget and move on.
I have never hated the person that bullied me, I could never hate them, I still can't. I don't know why but somehow I'm thankful for not hating them. I can see what hate do to people and that is something I don't want to go true.
Today I am a 17 year old girl, almost 18 years old. I go my second year at the school I feel like home in, the place I like to be in. Today I love to wake up and go to school knowing that I won't be bullied. I know whats right and what is wrong. I know how it feels to be hated and to feel like you got nothing left to lose. I know how it feels to let the tears fall and get a panic attack. I know how it feels to be scared and to not be able to trust anyone, not even yourself.
I am today free but the memory's is still here and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because of nightmares, I was bullied into silence, I ended up barely talking in school. I talked if I had to answer question or any of my friends wanted to talk, other than that I was quiet. When I was home I could talk a little more but I stopped telling what happen in school because I knew it wouldn't change anything. My family had try'd for so many years to end the bullying but nothing could end it, so I stopped talking about it because I knew they were tired of fighting, just like I was. But today I talk a lot more, sometimes people can't shut me up xD.
I know that I need to be strong and focus on my life that is ahead of me. In June, 2015 I'm going to graduate and a good life is ahead.
That was a short part of my story, it can go on for days but yeah, I haven't have it easy but I can't let it kill me anymore. I'm standing up for myself and for everyone else, I believe that ANYONE can get back up and to get free. If I could, ANYONE can!
STAY STRONG AND NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! xx
// Mickaela
